Pigeonhole Episode 20
[bright ambient music]

CHORUS OF VOICES: Pigeonholed, pigeonhole, pigeonhole, pigeonhole, pigeonhole, pigeonhole, pigeonhole, pigeonhole.

BRANDON: That dog is Chutney, and Chutney is a [uses very deep voice] masculine dog. [back to regular voice] And Chutney, come here! [snaps fingers]

CHUTNEY: [walks across wood floor]

BRANDON: [high-pitched voice] Hey, Chutney! How’s it going, huh? [hands petting soft fur] You doing pretty good? Yeah? [laughs]

CHUTNEY: [light snort]

BRANDON: That’s a microphone, Chutney. [chuckles]

CHUTNEY: [chomping a Nylabone]

BRANDON: He’s chewing on a nylon bone. He is a light cream Golden Retriever. It really is up to the person, but it’s basically a light cream or light toasted [laughing] Golden Retriever. And he has brown eyes, and he’s got really, really, really fuzzy, hairy paws, huge paws. I would say gargantuan paws would probably meet the standard. He’s not afraid to use them…for you know, the normal thing that dogs normally use paws for in everyday life.

[bouncy, mischievous music plays under next paragraph]

He doesn’t like to do anything unless you tell him to do it, and so there’s definitely a little bit of like a badger in him. No, no. Not a badger. Not a badger. A um…what would a sneaky animal be? So, a wolverine or a fox would be a big part of him. But he’s also such a loveable creature.
My favorite thing about Chutney is the different people that come up to me and ask me about him.
If you want to meet him, I can introduce you two, but you have to tell me your name first. Chutney! Come here. So, Chutney, this is Cheryl! Cheryl, this is Chutney.

CHERYL: Hi, Chutney! Aw.

BRANDON: [chuckles]

CHUTNEY: [extreme licking]

CHERYL: I’ve got his whole snout, his chin in my hand, and he’s just licking, magically getting every—[bursts into laughter] Brandon!

BRANDON: [laughs]

CHERYL: [still laughing] Did you see that?! [catches breath] He didn’t bite me, but he just opened his mouth and let my hand slide all the way in. [chuckles]

BRANDON: Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. [laughs] He does moisten everything in his path, but he also is a good guide dog for me around this town. He can take me different places, and he can basically act as my support whenever I need it. [chuckles]

CHERYL: You’re a very brave, brave young man. OK, so let’s see—

BRANDON: I believe you introduced him as a young man.

CHERYL: Mmhmm.

BRANDON: He is not a young man. He is a dog.

CHERYL: [restrained laughter]

BRANDON: I’m just telling it like I see it!

CHERYL: You know I’m here to get the truth.

BRANDON: Well, yeah, exactly, exactly.

CHERYL: OK. What else is he not? What do people think he is, and he’s not?

BRANDON: He is not for petting automatically just because he’s a dog, and he’s there. And some people really will do that. They’ll just go up and start petting him, and I’ll be like, “No, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. You have to ask me in order to pet him.” Some people know, and some people don’t.

BRANDON: He does wake me up on every alarm clock that goes off.
I’ll lay down, and I’ll go to sleep. And then when the alarm goes off [digital alarm starts ringing] Chutney’ll be on top of my bed! Waking me up! Ohhhh. Thank you, Chutney. Thank you! Would you like a treat? Yeah? [alarm stops] Come on, Chutney. You gotta move! [Brandon laughing and rustling his blanket and sheets, and they both climb down] As you can tell, he’s a lovely dog, and he’s just truly a wonderful animal to have around. Good boy!

So, I used to be a horrible sleeper because I would never wake up. I would always be lying on the ear that could hear. And so, my alarm would go off, and…nothing would happen, you know? And so, Chutney has been trained to wake me up whenever my alarm goes off. So, he’s just a great dog for that. He really is.

[toy piano music plays under next paragraph]

I loved him so dearly, in fact, even before he had his little accident with the…what was it, a carrot? A corn cob. That was when he was only a few months old. And they had to surgically remove it from his stomach because that corn cob is not gonna go anywhere after it gets into your stomach, especially when you’re that little of a dog. I just am…floored by…the tenacity in my dog! [laughs]

CHERYL: You’ve had surgeries too.

BRANDON: Oh yes!!! Oooooh yes. In fact, I just had a surgery on my eye, and as you can tell, it looks very ugh kinda grody. And with the proper application of the magic juice and all that stuff, it should be as good as new-ish.

[Chutney chomping bone again] So, basically, I have a Golden Retriever, as you note because you’ve met him, and it’s been wonderful. But I also have another piece on me which is also gold! I have a gold eyelid. It’s not a golden eyelid cover. It’s underneath my eyelid, so you can’t see it. But it’s there, and it’s gold! And so, I just think it’s kinda funny that both Chutney is gold, and my eye is gold.

The gold under the eyelid is basically to help my blinking process because without it, it didn’t really blink all that well. I now have it so it’s stuck in place, and so whenever I blink, it will blink more fully.

I have had more surgeries than Chutney. It still gives us a common ground, you know? Someplace where we can meet and chat about stuff, only he’s a dog. So, that doesn’t really work. [laughs]

BRANDON: If you start playing with him, then it’s like you’re in there for the gold, basically. And it’s a lot different doing that than taking him for a walk, you know? That’s something that I’ve really had to deal with, is knowing when and when not to tell Chutney to play or go do something really fun. When he has his leash and vest on, it’s a no go. But if you take his leash off and his vest off, [high-pitched voice] then it’s a go! [laughs] I think that’s definitely my off-vest voice. I would say that my on-vest voice is [deepens voice] very stern and strict and, “No!”

CHERYL: [fake English accent] And almost British!

BRANDON: [laughs] Hey, Chutney! Come here.

CHUTNEY: [walks over]

BRANDON: [sings] This is what it sounds like to put the doggie’s vest on! [fabric brushing fur, buckles clipping]
Chutney. Sit. Up. [snaps fingers] Heel. [walking together]

[slow, inspiring music plays until the end]

And then you can take his vest off, and he’s a free spirit. [tag rattles and fur rushes as dog shakes] [chuckles] Good boy! Good boy! He looooves to wiggle. He’s a wiggle machine!

BRANDON and CHERYL: [laugh quietly but with great joy together for what seems like forever]

[upbeat theme music]
CHERYL: Every episode is transcribed. Links, guest info, and transcripts are all at www.whoamitostopit.com, my disability arts blog. I’m Cheryl, and…

TWO VOICES: this is Pigeonhole.

CHERYL: Pigeonhole: Don’t sit where society puts you.

Music in the episode
“A Quick Coffee” by Borrtex, “Cupcake Marshall” by Blue Dot Sessions, and “Coffee” by Cambo. (Source: FreeMusicArchive.org licensed under a Attribution-NonCommercial License.)

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